Thursday, August 11, 2011

now is good

One of my friends just recently finished reading Priscilla Shrier's book "One in a Million" and posted a blog entry about some of the most relevant takeaways she had learned from reading it. Reading her blog triggered a flood of memories of my own experience reading that life changing book. After all, it was about this time last year that I finished it. Remember?

There was one particular little excerpt my friend pointed out that really struck a chord with me this time around and I couldn't help but re-post it here:

"So when the time for weeping came to an end, it meant they (the Israelites) chose to stop participating in the act of mourning. And at some point, like the children of Israel, we too must choose not to participate in mournful acts anymore. This doesn't mean our hearts are no longer saddened or that tears no longer fall from our eyes. It just means we've stopped acting in a way that keeps us focused on what we've lost or left behind. This isn't easy for me to suggest to you because it isn't easy for me to do. To stop acting sad when I feel sad is difficult. I still enjoy talking about the details of my hurt feelings on the phone with my girlfriends and rehearsing the issues in my mind, dwelling on the sacrifices I've made (or have been forced to make). But at some point mourning is no longer appropriate. We must move on. A new day is dawning. It always does when God is drawing us toward the Promised Land."

For a long time I was pretty hurt and kind of sad. It felt like everyday wasn't necessarily getting worse, but it definitely wasn't getting any better. And I don't know that there was ever actually an "Aha!" moment where things started to click and 180 themselves into something better, but little by little, day by day, things really are getting there. I find myself goofing off more, laughing, and genuinely getting back to my old self. What a whirlwind this year has been! I almost feel a little like Alice in Wonderland when she fell through the rabbit hole and did so much changing she hardly knew who she was...

"Who are YOU?" said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for conversation.
Alice replied, rather shyly, "I -- I hardly know, sir, just a the present -- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."

Some days I didn't feel like myself at all. I've been through a lot of changes this year and I know its only so that the Lord can make me better. I have to remind myself of that when challenges are placed in front of me - only so that I can get better, so that I can be better.

My only regret now is (also in the words of Alice herself) ...
"I wish I hadn't cried so much."

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